Put thy trust in God!

This is a record for me, posting so soon after my last entry...I hope that it hasn't shocked anyone too much!!

I really wanted to put some of my thoughts into writing, in a hope that they will make a little more sense to me when I read them.

As you know I was recently in hospital in a not so good way. Well this goes back to the Sunday that I was to be taken to theatre for the operation to try and deal with the infection which I had.

I remember receiving many pieces of conflicting information from numerous doctors who presented themselves at my bed. This in itself did not exactly fill me with confidence. Also over the days many of my questions remained without answers, and any answers which I had been given seemed to be out of context compared to the actual questions which I asked. It was clear to me that they were not being totally forthcoming with me. Whether this was puposely done to try not to stress me too much, or as part of them covering their rear ends is still yet to be established, but I will seek the truth!

On the Sunday I was aware that I would be returning to theatre and I had a horrible feeling that all was not well. I remember specifically thinking that I would not pull through, and I rapidly became rather distressed. I wrote Debbie a letter in the form of an email on my iPhone and even recorded a video message for the kids telling them how much I loved them, etc.

Bishop Damien arrived to give me Holy Communion (Spritual as I was nil by mouth), and during this I was in tears. I remember as I received Communion I said "Come into my heart O Lord" and I suddenly felt very peaceful...kind of at one. The tears stopped and I was calm in my heart and mind, but still with a strange sense that my time in this world was coming to an end.

I remember the painful journey from the ward to theatre and then being in the aneasthetic room being prepared. I then did something that I have never done before an operation before. As I was laid there and they were preparing to put me to sleep I said the Lord's Prayer. I had given up the fight, I had given up trust in doctors, I just put all of my trust in God. My life was now totally in God's hands. I wanted God to do what He decided was right.

I then remember (just like a vivid dream) that at some stage during my stay in ITU I had two paths in front of me. It now makes sense when I have heard people say that they have had a near death experience and saw a bright light.

One of these paths appeared smooth and calm, very peaceful with a beautiful light at the end. It was like a magnet pulling me towards it. The other path appeared broken and very stormy, like a dark forest, with a clear sense of danger, but with a light further in the distance. I had a choice to make. Typically for me I didn't choose the easy path. I took the stormy one!

I now believe that the peaceful path was the path to pass from this life. The path which I chose was the path with a battle to be had enroute. Somehow I sensed this at the time and something told me that this was the only chance I had. It reminds me of the saying 'Don't give up without a fight'. Something managed to pull me away from the magnet drawing me to the calm path. It gave me a chance to break away from the forceful pull and get onto the rough path. That something has a name...God!

God gave me a choice, it wasn't easy, but then being a Christian is not about having an easy life is it? God was showing me that there is an alternative. He was providing me with a solution as I had shown my unquestionable faith in Him when being prepared for theatre.

This whole situation has made my faith even stronger than before! In my time of need I had nothing but faith. I put my trust in God and He was there for me, He offered the path and through choice I followed. I made the right choice and that choice was simply to have faith!

Until next time....